Maybe you are in a long distance relationship with a partner or just want to explore new things and bring new forms of play into the bedroom. Or maybe you’re looking for an outlet where you can relinquish control or have more power over your partner without outright exploring Bondage, Sadism or explicit humiliation. One of our favorite ways to build intimacy regardless of distance while also exploring control and power play is by performing Guided Masturbation.
A Guided Masturbation is when you are technically in control of your own pleasure – you’re using your own hand, or operating a toy all by yourself, or stimulating your nipples or prostate with your own fingers. But the pace at which you please yourself, the setting that you have your vibrator on, the movement with which you stimulate the prostate, is all decided, guided and controlled by your partner.
Or if the alternative is preferred, you could be the one regulating their orgasms, controlling their play and timing their release and respite as you please. You can ask your partner to masturbate in a certain way or with a certain motion and listen to the way your instructions have an effect on their body.
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For your first few times, take it slow. It will take you and your partner some time to establish a good rhythm. Lubrication is always important to minimize friction and increase comfort and feelings of arousal, so make sure you have lube handy whether you’re in a room together or exploring guided masturbation over a phone/video call.
Ask questions.
Experiment.
Stay curious and attentive.
Does your partner prefer penetrative play over clitoral play?
What makes them orgasm quickly? Save that for the end.
What arouses them but doesn’t make them orgasm? Play with that more heavily.
Nibble on their neck, tease their ears. And make the most of the Sangya 1, your beginner-friendly but powerful companion for sensual, memorable, and game-changing play. Ask them to start the Sangya 1 and move in circles around their labia without touching their clit. If they get greedy or bratty or disobey, switch off the toy.
You can now instruct your partner how fast or slow you want them to go with their pleasure. Instruct them on where they can or cannot touch themselves, make them change the setting right when you know they are close to climax or are beginning to really enjoy one particular setting. Prolong their play and their release by as much as you’d like, while simultaneously ensuring that you are playing and pleasuring your partner by making them wait. Don’t prolong their release too much, or your partner is more likely to feel tired, annoyed, numb and exhausted.
Make sure to keep the communication open, to always ask your partner what they like, how they feel and what they look forward to most. That is how you learn to please them better, that is how you grow in your sexual skill and instincts as well, and that is how you learn to personalize play for the person you are with in that moment. If your partner isn’t following instructions, tease them by taking control of the toy and running it around their nipples or other erogenous zones away from the spots that help them orgasm.
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You can even perform a guided masturbation by using a timer, where you allow your partner to play with the toy in any way that they like for fixed periods of time. Start with giving them a minute, then make them shut off the toy and restart it for 20 seconds. Shut it off again, then restart it for 2 minutes. The timer method requires you to pay close attention to when your partner goes from arousal to plateau to the brink of an orgasm. Shutting off the toy too many times during arousal may cause irritation or boredom, while too many interruptions at the later stages may lead to a dissatisfying orgasm or a feeling of sexual frustration.
Like all sexual acts that specifically explore power play and control, the best outcomes are from when you know your partner’s buttons and know just how to work every single one of them. All you have to do is learn to pay attention.
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