Edging (or peaking, or surfing, depending on who you ask) is the act of teasing, stimulating and arousing yourself and bringing your body close to the brinks of an orgasm, only to stop completely or change the quality or frequency of play, leading to a delayed or prolonged orgasm. But this definition also suggests that orgasm has to be the end-goal every time. So what do you do when you’re looking for longer, more sensual play where orgasms are not the main focus or the immediate goal?
While orgasms are a great bonus to sexual activity, it’s important to remember that not every encounter or act has to end with one. Sexual play is, at its most basic form, an attempt to have fun by yourself, or with other people. It is one of many different ways for your mind and body to engage with each other, and is also one way to connect with your partners if sex plays a role in your communication and bonding.
The act of edging in this case, means enjoying your body’s erogenous or sensitive spots without trying to ‘achieve’ orgasms as a response or result. The focus is placed more on finding a rhythm with your partners, on discovering new things that might make them moan, or casually tracing your fingers down that one spot that makes them giggle as they feverishly anticipate what you have in store for them next. The goal, then, becomes about taking your time, letting the moment take you wherever it takes you, and finding joy and sexual gratification in the buildup no matter whether there is an orgasm or not.
But how do you incorporate edging into your intimate play with confidence and control?
With the Zema
For prolonged penile play, you’re going to need a generous amount of lube. Miss out on lube and the friction around the tip of the penis or the foreskin will be painful. One strategy for edging your partner’s penis is by lubing up the Zema and gently stroking them as they get harder and eager for more. Pay close attention to when your partner is at their peak, and promptly stop using the Zema on them.
1. Talk dirty with your partner as you stroke them and feel them get harder inside the Zema
2. Change the rhythm of strokes so they get closer to orgasm when you stroke them faster, then abruptly stop altogether
3. You can also exercise control over their play by giving them a fixed number of strokes each time, or slowly adding more strokes or more pressure to the way you touch them
4. Use a timer to allow your partner to be pleasured by the Zema for a fixed time before you stop and take the Zema away
With the Sangya 1
The Sangya 1 works beautifully internally and externally and is super beginner-friendly. This means you can tease your partner with clitoral, vulval and G-spot play with rhythmic and sustained play depending on what makes your partner react more strongly and feel the frustrations of not being able to climax even more intensely. Make sure your 1 is fully charged for this session though, there’s nothing worse than the promise of a long, torturous session ending too abruptly because of a dead vibrator.
1. Stroke your partner’s clitoris and labia with the Sangya 1 in wide, slow circles
2. Gently insert the 1 and tease their vagina
3. Bring the 1 close to their clitoris but never move it over the actual spot until they beg you for mercy
4. As they get louder and closer to peaking, take the 1 away or change the settings altogether
5. Take breaks from clitoral or penetrative play by using the 1 on their nipples
6. Tease the anal region with the 1 if that excites your partner too
A delayed orgasm can be worth even more than a timely one. Now this may not necessarily be true for everyone, but waiting on sexual gratification sometimes intensifies the eventual orgasm. Whether it’s a clitoral, penile, vaginal, anal, prostate or G-spot orgasm, being stimulated on and off for a few minutes (or hours!) can push your mind and body to a state of arousal and excitement that feels much stronger and more head-spinning than one that was a result of steady and linear sexual excitation. And wouldn’t you want to know just how intensely your body might be able to orgasm?