I grew up in Bombay, where love and romance run aplenty but the space to actually experience intimacy and connection remain extremely limited.
Hotels that offer affordable rooms without asking questions, are uncomfortably seedy.
Hotels that don’t feel seedy and treat you well, will require a credit card to book the room.
Many of these hotels also expect couples to be married when trying to book a room, as though the privacy and comfort of hotels belongs only to those who are looking for space from their in-laws, kids, or pets.
Our homes often have parents or housemates sharing living space with us, while the streets often have cops who would love to accuse you of public indecency under Section 294 of the IPC just for holding hands or hugging.
But I grew up in Bombay– the city where sea facing promenades and park benches serve the most purpose to couples with limited privacy. Here, an umbrella can do the job too.
And for some of us, so does the backseat of a car.
The sexual tension of your hand touching your date’s arm or knee in the backseat of a car, or when your partner takes their hand off the gear to run their fingers up your thigh, the temptation to park somewhere and have sex until the windows fog up…
Those cravings can be just as powerful.
But there’s a lot to consider here with regards to privacy and safety in India. Section 294(a) states that any obscene act in any public place that causes an annoyance to others is a punishable offense. I’ll let you imagine how the ambiguity of that language allows cops to play Moral Police at their own whims.
If you’re still in the mood for car sex, here’s everything you need to factor in.
You’re going to need to find a safe space to park– some place quiet and isolated enough to not draw any eyes, cops or tow trucks. Make sure it’s not too isolated, and that you are not in a location where you can land in any trouble with passersby either. Prepare yourself with window shades to ensure you can have your privacy, and double check that hand brake. Do not attempt anything while the car is moving.
You could lose control of your hands and steer in the wrong direction, hit the accelerator/brake when you didn’t mean to, or even experience limitations to your peripheral vision and focus at crucial times.
Please don’t be that person. No blowjob is worth someone else’s safety on the street.
- Dress for comfort and ease
Don’t wear jeans. There’s really no sexy or time-efficient way to take off a pair of jeans in a car. Car sex is something that comes with a lot of adrenaline. The rush of having sex in an almost public space with the very real possibility of getting caught makes for a really hot, passionate and frenzied sexual scene. Car sex is the kind of sex you have with half of your clothes still on.
So wear a skirt that you can lift up with ease, or stretchy pants that you can pull down halfway and still get intimate in. This will also help with making a quick getaway in the event that you notice someone walking up to your car.
With car sex, remember to keep it simple. You don’t want to injure yourself in the pursuit of an orgasm, or accidentally sit on the horn and alert everyone else. The easiest positions would include the receiving partner sitting on top of the giver, both partners fingering each other or using toys on each other, or one partner leaning into the other one’s seat to give them oral sex.
You can also try oral sex in the backseat, or even adventurously attempt doggy style. Carry towels, wipes, latex barriers, or your favourite sex toys! You and your partner could also masturbate together, or calmly watch as one of you plays with toys or fingers themselves. If you have a third partner who wants to be a part of this, they could watch from the driver’s seat as you and your partner put on a show in the back.
- Cleaning up
The car’s likely to be a mess of spit and sex smells, so make sure to wipe things up as effectively as possible when you’re back home or in a safe parking spot where you can comfortably take your time to clean up. Keep an eye out for condoms, their packets, lube or toys and pack them away before any guests encounter them in your vehicle.
As with any other form of sexual play or encounters, communication is necessary. Most good car sex comes from a bit of planning and some simple expectations for the scene, but it can still come with new boundaries or realisations to share.
Maybe next time, you’d like a different location. A new position. More lube and extra towels.
Maybe it’s unfair and strange for a culture to give us such little privacy while also shaming us to go get a room for every single one of our desires and feelings. As the privileged point their fingers at lovers on Bandstand or laugh at the Valentine’s Day rush at Carter’s, maybe the real joke is how quickly we jump to use the ambiguity of Obscenity in our law to shame other people.
Maybe a part of the thrill of living in Indian cities where privacy is so inaccessible, is that we build pockets of it anywhere we go.