Am I the Hotwife?

This piece may never have happened if I hadn’t met the cuckold loving men and women I’ve met on Insta and Reddit, so first off, thank you.

This is my ode to hotwives and the gorgeous, secure stags that we are bonded with. Even though I haven’t quite practiced hotwifing just yet.

The first time someone hit on me in front of my husband, I expected him to lose it. Maybe he’d get angry with the other guy, maybe he’d tell me never to wear that dress again.

That’s the kind of reaction I’m used to.

But instead my husband smiled at me and said it was a turn on. Apparently other people’s interest in me made him feel even more validated for being into me.

After years of male partners lashing out or turning sour when a stranger shows interest in me or a friend displays physical affection, my husband’s reaction was so refreshing.

“I’d be upset if people didn’t find you hot”, he laughed.

For those who don’t know, a hotwife is someone who hooks up with people who are not her partner, with complete consent from her partner.

This isn’t the same as cuckolding though. Where a cuckold enjoys this set up for the humiliation, the jealousy and the disrespect from watching his partner with someone else, a hotwife’s partner (the stag) gets turned on by his partner being sexually desirable and adored by others.

The idea of other people wanting to be with the hotwife, pamper her and please her and sexually devour her makes the stag feel victorious. This sense of pride and victory can be so strong, many stags even prefer to setup dates for their hotwives or pick venues, book rooms, or be physically present for the encounter. There is no humiliation here, because the stag feels in control of the situation and loves watching someone please his partner while the hotwife puts on a show.

While I haven’t quite tried it yet, I can’t stop thinking about embracing the life of a hotwife. Watching my husband smile his usual cocky smirk at the thought of someone else going down on me… then eagerly taking my clothes off and re-enacting that fantasy for me has been really hot.

It also feels somewhat healing to be in the company of a man who sees me as desirable but doesn’t want to own it, he genuinely wants to watch the world celebrate it too. His desire to keep me safe doesn’t come out as controlling body language or speech. Instead, he partakes in my safety by wanting to choose where I go with someone who may want to hook up with me.

He wants to choose what angles we take photos or videos in, he wants to make sure it's a safe hotel and a safe partner for the night and that my feelings are respected.

For once, being an attractive couple doesn’t have to be about constant fighting over who’s been talking to whom or why someone’s arm was too close to our partner’s waist.

My joy from flirting with others and my desire to not be owned can all find a healthy outlet without us cheating on each other or fighting when someone else finds one of us attractive. I can heal from the anxiety that my exes left behind by coming home to a man who smiles when someone asks me out at the bar.

I’m sure we will have moments where we get jealous or insecure as a couple once we do actively go down the hotwife road. But the fact that my husband puts communication above anger or passive aggressive silences is a gamechanger. With him, I cannot wait for us to always find ways to let there be room for insecurity or fears of loss alongside the joy we feel when one of us is doing well.

I cannot wait to watch him smile when he smells another man’s perfume on me, and I cannot wait to be the hot wife he has always seen me to be.