Scheduling Sex

Spontaneity is an absolute curse that’s been put upon us by writers, rom-com directors & influencers– all of whom have taken painstakingly long steps with scheduling and planning to show you how lovers are “spontaneous”. Let’s face it, even SRK does retakes. 

I never understood why people are so against scheduling intimate time with their partners. If I ever suggested it, I’ve always been met with “That’s so unromantic!”. 

Is it really? Putting in effort to make sure I make time, space and energy for my partner? To make love & be present and prep myself so I can bring my A-game? I really beg to differ. 

It baffles me more because we live in India– a place where the first time you had sex with your partner was most definitely planned and scheduled. We waited for our parents to be out of town or budgeted for hotels to go to. You know what you were going for, you discussed it beforehand and you were excited. Weren’t you?

What changed? How did scheduling with your partner become unromantic? Is it because you live together now? Does cohabiting make spontaneity the better option by default?

Love, intimacy & relationships take effort. As the onslaught of personal and professional responsibilities grows larger and we become more responsible for the safety or finances of the people around us, the more stressed and overwhelmed you begin to feel at home. Night time becomes the only chance for a quickie, assuming you and your partner are in the mood for the same kind of sex, at the same time. Who has the energy to be spontaneous then?

You don’t want to be in bed one day and wonder where the spark went. 

Why isn't it the way it used to be?

The Power of Scheduled Intimacy

Contrary to common misconceptions, scheduling sex isn't about removing the element of surprise or passion from a relationship. Instead, it's about prioritizing intimacy and ensuring that it receives the attention it deserves amidst life's chaos. Instead of forcing spontaneity when your energies don’t match, you can schedule it for later and flirt as you build up to the moment. Have coffee together, watch something spicy together. Wear each other’s favourite perfumes all day and show them you have them on your mind, even when you’re too busy to even look at each other.

Communication, Expectations & Desires

Scheduling s*x encourages open communication between partners, allowing them to express their desires, preferences, and boundaries. There’s a thrill to being able to tell your partner about a new position you want to try out later, so you can both prepare for it. It’s less anxiety inducing than being experimental in the moment and you have the added bonus of knowing upfront that your fantasy position is something your partner is excited to try too.

Reclaiming Intimacy in Long-Term Relationships

Long-term relationships often experience fluctuations in sexual desire and frequency, which is entirely normal. Scheduling sex provides a structured approach to maintaining intimacy, helping couples navigate through periods of low desire or busy schedules. Over time and as you age together, it’s possible for new insecurities to emerge or for the lack of time to make you both feel like the spark has gone. Maybe there hasn’t been time to flirt lately, maybe the changes in your body have you scared that your partner liked the younger you better than they may enjoy the present you.

By scheduling intimacy, you can have direct conversations on what you like about each other the way you are in this very moment. You can have new forms of s*x to show you feel about your current selves.

Kiss each other’s greys, rub some oil on those stretchmarks and make the most of those organisational softwares you installed just to keep track of work meetings and bill payments.

Clear your schedule and show each other that no amount of stress, overwhelm, or change caused by age and circumstance can ever rob you of the one thing you always wanted to cherish together– time.