Hair Pulling

You don’t have to be kinky to grab your partner’s hair and pull on it in the middle of sex. Much like a quick spank, or a rough bite on the neck, or like running your nails down your partner’s back in moments of passion or spontaneity.

Sometimes it’s a quick way of showing them how badly you want them, sometimes it’s a hint for rougher play or a loving way to show them how much you missed them. It can mean so many different things and help you pass a message to your partner so quickly, and that’s probably why it requires a little more attention and practice to make sure you give them the right signals.

Before engaging in hair pulling ask your partner if they even like it. The wrong act at the wrong time or done the wrong way can easily leave your partner feeling neglected, humiliated or degraded instead of feeling desired, sexy and powerful.

Understanding desire

The desire for hair pulling can stem from various sources– either from a desire to dominate or be dominated, or from a place of wanting pain and roughness without kink, submission or degradation.

Examining why you want your hair pulled or why you’d like to do it to a partner, will help you plan the timing and intensity of the act better. If roughness without kink is a shared desire for you both, you can explore grabbing your partner’s hair slowly but firmly and ensure that it only lasts a few seconds at a time.

Mix it with a passionate kiss but try not to do it in the middle of oral or penetrative sex without asking your partner as those acts can often alleviate the feeling of humiliation if not escalated properly and carefully.

For a kinkier partner, you can combine the hair pull with a question and demand that they answer to you with the titles that were previously agreed upon. You can also pull your partner’s hair as a brat to let your dominant know that you are open to escalating the play or moving towards the punishments that were discussed beforehand.

The technique

The scalp is rich with nerve endings, making it a sensitive area of the body. When hair is pulled gently or with a degree of firmness (as per individual comfort and consent), it can stimulate these nerve endings, resulting in heightened sensations.

The best place to pull to cause a pleasurable sensation is around the back of the scalp, as this area is generally less sensitive than the area around the face. Additionally, it is important to be mindful of the direction in which you are pulling the hair. Pulling in a downward motion can provide a more intense sensation, while pulling in an upward motion can provide a more gentle sensation.

To control the intensity of the pain on your partner’s scalp, allow a bit of their hair to slip through your fingers so you are not pulling the hair too roughly and too directly from its roots.

Your grip should be assertive and firm, but not uncontrolled or sloppy. Be mindful of the angles and directions or the acts you are exploring while pulling their hair too, to ensure you do not strain or injure their necks.

Combine gentle caresses with occasional hair pulls, direct your partner’s head through firm grabs, and use a rhythmic motion of hairpulls, kisses, bites and thrusts to give them the experience of their fantasies.

Doggy Style

In this position, the partner behind has easy access to the other’s hair. Gentle to firm grasps, synced with the rhythm of the movements, can intensify the sensations and emotional connectivity.

Missionary with a Twist

While in a modified missionary position, where one partner's torso is upright, hair pulling can be incorporated as a form of gentle dominance, balancing the tender and passionate aspects of the moment.

Standing

When engaging intimately while standing, hair pulling can be used as a method to maintain closeness and enhance directional control, adding a layer of intensity and fervor.

Cowgirl/Cowboy

In this position, the person on top has the leverage to lean forward, allowing their hair to be within reach of the partner below, who can then engage in hair pulling with consent.

Spoon

Hair pulling can be sensitively incorporated into this position as the partner behind has easy access to the other’s hair, allowing for a combination of closeness and passionate expression.

Seated

In various seated positions, hair pulling can be incorporated as a means to guide movements, maintain a close facial proximity, and heighten the level of engagement and arousal.

Aftercare

Aftercare is always crucial. For acts that involved hair pulling and may have strained your partner’s scalp, you can stroke their head gently after play or kiss their heads softly to gently bring them back to reality from the highs of rough play and create a window of time and space wherein they feel safe and held and cared for in your hands again.