Facials

Everyone who swiped on this post knows exactly the kind of facials we're talking about. That’s why we love you guys… and sometimes also worry. 

Traditional & freely accessible pornography is like a fixed dance routine. One, Two, Cha Cha Cha. 

One, Oral Sex 

Two, Penetrative Sex

Spank, Cum & Facial

It didn’t matter what the story was. The sequence has been the same for years.

Then it was emulated by people… awkwardly. 

In a country where sex education was non-existent, our understanding of sex came from pornography. 

Beside the many things I learned (and then needed to unlearn), the most curious part of every film (and every film had this) was the cum shot, when the man ejaculates on the face or a body part of his partner in the scene.

While I knew pornography was an exaggerated & sometimes unrealistic form of sex, I still thought there was some truth to the importance that seemed to be attached to the cum shot. Surely if it's in EVERY video it must mean it's wanted, expected even, from your partner. Just like the first few parts. Oral sex, then penetrative sex. Facials seemed to be an inevitable end to that journey.

Now my partners seem to have learned from the same school of porn education. They believed it was expected of them to have their body presented for us to ejaculate on, whether it was the face or other body parts. 

Here’s the thing, we didn’t really discuss if it was something either of us wanted or enjoyed. It was just done. But, are facials, or ‘pearl necklaces’ (that’s when you ejaculate on the chest or neck) a bad thing?

Is it meant to be looked as though the partner is being humiliated, degraded? Is there anything wrong if both partners are into that particular aspect of the kink/fetish?

There’s so many questions and ethical standpoints to unpack here!

First off, is it part of a degradation & humiliation kink/fetish?

That probably depends on your environmental, cultural and individual beliefs around ideas of shame and degradation, to be honest.

In an episode of their podcast called “The Pleasure Mechanics”, real-life couple and educators Charlotte Mia Rose and Chris Maxwell Rose unpacked this subject with Charlotte stating, “I think this is rooted in our sex-negative culture. 

If we think about ejaculate as something that is dirty and gross and comes from sinful sex, then yeah, of course it’s considered humiliating to have it on your face.

But if ... we think of sperm as a sacred fluid of life or at least a fluid that comes from pleasurable sex from the person you’re choosing to have sex with, then it’s a more neutral thing.” [‘Facial’ by Rose Surnow, in Cosmopolitan 2016].

If I’m being honest, in my cultural upbringing and social circles, it does seem to fall within the degradation and humiliation category. Men get a sense of power from it & their consenting partners are enthusiastic about transferring that power and control.

Is that a bad thing?

Absolutely not. 

There is no shaming in kink (unless that is your kink).

So why am I writing about this at all?

Well, first we need to understand and accept that within the desi context, it likely is a kink/fetish. But practising a sexual act because we learned it through pornography and not understanding why we do it, is kinda troubling.

It means porn normalised certain acts and expectations for you, it means your fantasies and desires can in fact be, and often are, shaped by the outside world and your early sexual experiences. 

But it also didn’t allow you to consider that this might be a unique kink for you, or show you how the sexual preferences of your partners and loved ones is also uniquely shaped by their own personal experiences.

Why sit with this thought at all? Because this will open the gateway to understanding yourself and your wants.

If you do enjoy cumshots, what about it do you like?

Are there other styles of degradation/humiliation kinks that you would actually enjoy? 

When you understand how you like to give and receive pleasure, you can truly make space for safe ways of practicing different kinks and adding layers to your sex life. And inevitably, that also makes more space for your partners to explore themselves and tell you just what they want and prefer too!

You & your partner want to try facials as a kink?

Step 1

Talk about it. Set ground rules.

Getting cum in the eye, hair can really sour a partner's mood. It’s difficult to clean and can lead to an infection if you get it in the eye. Talk about how you’d like it to pan out and be ready for mishaps as controlling force & direction of the ejaculation isn’t always up to the holder. 

Step 2

Try other body parts first

Don’t go for the face as your first time delving into cum shots. Start with other body parts

• Stomach
• Chest
• Back/Ass
• Hands

It will get you and your partner comfortable with the idea (And may also improve your aim)

Step 3

Cleaning supplies

Always keep wet wipes, towels & paper towles around for quick cleaning if needed. It will help if they are next to you and make the transition to aftercare that much smoother. 

Step 4

After care

Ask if your partner needs touch or speech. 

Touch, help them clean and don’t leave it to them to clean up after themselves. This might cross the degradation kink line.

Speech, talk to them and affirm the love you have for them. BDSM doesn’t take the love away and after care should always be provided in the form of how you feel about them.