Masculinity

Masculinity, at its core, is a set of attributes, behaviours, and roles traditionally associated with boys and men. 

It is a social construct that can vary widely depending on the cultural lens you look through.

In the Indian context, masculinity has often been equated with strength, assertiveness, and emotional reserve. These qualities, historically seen as virtues, have been the yardsticks by which men have been measured.

Toxic Masculinity 

Toxic masculinity, a term that has buzzed through the corridors of gender studies and popular culture, refers to the harmful behaviours and attitudes traditionally associated with some aspects of masculinity. It's a version of manhood that’s entangled with dominance, emotional repression, and entitlement. 

In India, this mainly looks like an expectation for men to be the infallible head of the family, to show toughness in the face of adversity, to strive for financial success and stability for the entire family, and to shy away from displays of vulnerability, all under the guise of 'being a real man.'

The difference between healthy masculinity and its toxic counterpart is the underlying intention and impact. Where positive masculinity can foster unity, strength, and compassion, toxic masculinity can lead to exclusion, poor social bonds, struggles with asking for help, and simultaneous aggression.

Masculinity vs. Being a Good Person

It's vital to distinguish between non-toxic masculinity and simply being a good human. 

While qualities such as kindness, empathy, and respect are universal human traits, when contextualised within masculinity, they are often seen as acts of courage against a backdrop of expectations that encourage the opposite.

For example, an Indian man showing emotional openness or challenging gender norms isn't just being a good person; he is actively redefining what it means to be masculine in a culture that often equates masculinity with emotional restraint and rigid gender roles.

In India, the patriarchal setup has been the stage upon which traditional masculinity has played out. Men are often expected to be the primary breadwinners and decision-makers, a situation that places immense pressure on them to conform to a specific type of masculinity. 

This often means not being able to quit jobs if the environment is toxic, not being able to ask another family member to offer financial support as that could mean a direct challenge to their manhood, never showing doubt, fear or confusion and always taking lead in various situations to guide the family unit forward. 

The bizarre pressures this must then place on our trans men who were first raised and conditioned to act under different expectations only to now be expected to conform to an entirely different set of expectations, sounds emotionally exhausting and terrifying.

Today’s Mard

So, what should masculinity look like in today's India? It should be a tapestry woven with threads of emotional intelligence, mutual respect, and the strength to defy harmful norms. Gender cannot possibly be seen as a monolith, where being born with a certain identity, anatomy or chromosomal composition. That’s weird.

While some Indian men are increasingly becoming allies in the fight against gender inequality, and embracing a masculinity that is nurturing and inclusive, we are still witnessing a culture of men and traditional masculinity that believes in the subjugation of others at the cost of their own sanity and social support.

We have men who are convinced that it is their duty to stay stoic, controlling and brave in the face of all emergencies, while simultaneously witnessing a culture of unhappy men lashing out on their peers, wives, children and more, or struggling with substance addictions, and battling extreme depression in isolation.

Is that really a life worth holding on to just to be perceived as a real man? A strong man?

What kind of man would it make me if my misery dragged my loved ones down the abyss with me? All because I thought I wasn’t supposed to need help?

The masculinity of new India is one that respects consent, celebrates empathy, and finds common ground in the pursuit of a more equitable society. It's a masculinity that looks beyond the self to the well-being of the community. 

The journey ahead is a collective one. It calls for conversations in drawing rooms and boardrooms alike, where stories of a gentler, more inclusive masculinity can be told and retold.

It's in these stories that we’ll discover an Indian man who is not just strong but also kind, not just a provider but also a partner, not just a protector but also a listener. 

In the India of today, we look towards a masculinity that is a choice rather than a dictate, a possibility rather than a prescription.

Here's to the men of India who are redefining masculinity— one act, one word, and one emotion at a time.