Chastity As A Kink

It sounds like a contradiction— to hold back, to deny yourself of contact and restrain one of your most erogenous parts to feel more pleasure. And yet, exploring chastity with a partner provides exactly that.

The act of chastity is simple, one person relinquishes sexual control to a partner or Dom, and is not allowed to experience contact or sexual release on the penis or around the vulva. … until the person in control says they can.

Some people may submit for a few minutes, where a play session begins with the act of wearing a chastity device or belt, and ends with the removal of the belt. Others may wear the chastity device throughout the day until they are released from it at night.

Here, sexual play and pleasure do not focus on the penis at all, but are found in the anticipation, discipline, and transfer of power and control for set periods of time where your partner or Dom may make certain decisions for you or instruct you to complete certain tasks in a specific way.

For people who find it overwhelming to make decisions or assess other people’s needs during sex, submission can be a fun way to let someone else do all the planning for you.

With chastity belts or cages for the penis, people who are typically expected to treat penetration as the grand finale of every sexual encounter, can finally explore what sex, pleasure and intimacy look like outside of penis play.

For men and masculine people, chastity devices can also mean shedding their assumed role as the person who takes lead or is in charge, and transferring that role to their partner instead.

That’s what most forms of submission help with— you may not care for discipline or pain, but for a time period of your choice and in a setting that you enjoy, you can free yourself of the burden of having to take charge.

In a 2021 article for Men’s Health, multiple men share their experiences with partners who were happy to lock up their penises and hold on to the key until the agreed upon time for their release.

Some say that taking the penis out of the equation meant feeling less of a pressure to perform or stay hard, while their partners felt more relaxed without having to focus all their energy and efforts on the penis.

The chastity belt also ensured that the wearer paid more attention to the other parts of their body that felt pleasure and soon discovered erogenous zones on their body that they had never noticed before.

People who struggle with premature ejaculation would go on to use chastity devices to prolong their play, focus on their partners’ pleasure more, and delay their erections to have a more relaxed session. 

For people who are survivors of sexual traumas, chastity devices also help ensure that the penis is left out of the equation and that they receive sexual or intimate attention in ways that they actually prefer.

Some chastity play involves genital cages that can be locked up with a key while others can even be app-controlled.

But none of these forms of chastity are safe for beginners.

To begin with chastity play, as someone who may have never explored submission or the transfer of power at all, try keeping your underwear or pants on when you get intimate with your partners and ask them to control when you can take your clothes off.

You can slowly escalate to giving them power during oral and asking them to not let you climax until they want you to. If you find yourself enjoying these little moments, you may enjoy moving on to a beginner friendly chastity belt.

It should ideally be soft enough on your skin and against your penis with enough room for you whether you are flaccid or erect, while still feeling like a restraint.

It should not come with locks and should be easy to remove, and should not feel like your blood circulation has been cut off or that your movements have been restricted in uncomfortable or triggering ways.

Just like any other act of kinky play or submission, you get to set the parameters within which your partner or Dom plays with you.

You get to decide what level of thrill, discomfort, constraint, pain or humiliation you undergo, and a good partner or Dom for you is one whose boundaries and limits match well with yours.

Chastity play is so much more than an act of submission alone.

If the testimonies of men online are anything to go by, it may be the very thing you need to finally feel free.