Sexting: Phone Sex

I remember having phone sex for the first time when I was a teenager.

My partner had been sweet and dirty with his texts in all the ways that I liked, and although I wasn’t ready for IRL sex yet, I loved the idea of getting intimate with him over the phone first.

On one of our regular phone calls, we wound up talking about the last time we kissed and how much we missed being able to do that more often. 

The conversation slowly grew into a chat on other forms of physical and sexual intimacy we wished we could share. Before I knew it, it had been nearly half an hour of us discussing in vivid detail, the connection we wished to build.

It was hot, safe, and so freeing to do it on the phone without rushing into s*x before I was ready.  Both of us felt so in control & we discovered just how similar our fantasies were. By the time we met, there was so much excitement because we knew what the other person wanted.

Over the years, as I explored relationships with other partners, I learned that phone s*x had played a crucial role in building my sexual confidence.

Discuss the possibility of phone sex beforehand and build language

You cannot possibly engage in phone sex without consent. If the act is unplanned, seek consent within that phone call itself before you say something explicit or graphic.

By asking your partner how they would like to have phone sex with you, you are likely to have a more natural and easygoing segue into phone sex anyway!

Set the mood

Treat it like an IRL date. Dress for the mood. Wear some accessories or underwear that your partner loves seeing on you. 

Ease into phone sex by gently discussing each other’s clothes, features or behaviours that turn you on.

Use memories and porn as guidance for what you say/ describe

You can also talk about something hot you did together in the past, and that too could turn into a sensual call on what you wish you were doing to each other right then.

Keep scripts/lines ready if you are nervous

Plan the conversation beforehand. Write down lines or parts of your fantasy that you want to make sure you share with your partner. Planning ahead may also let you stick to language that both of you had agreed upon, so no one hears or says anything that feels weird or triggering.

Send photos or videos beforehand to drive them wild

Worried about not having much to say? Send them a video or a picture of yourself before the call!

Don’t be afraid of describing what you are up to in real time

Don’t forget— your partner is already attracted to you. They want more of you in all your glory. Lean into that. 

Tell them what you’re wearing, tell them what your hands are doing, describe the bed, the music you’re playing, the room you’re in, the way your body looks in that light.

Tell them what you wish their hands were doing, and your natural rhythm in conversation will take over and guide you through the rest of the call.

Add Toys

There can sometimes be an added layer of awkwardness when you use your hands to hold the phone, undress, and feel yourself, all at once.

Butt plugs, dildos and vibrators can add to your sensory experience while also allowing you to continue using your phone with ease.

Accept the awkward pauses, the laughs, the silliness of it all

What sex doesn’t have some awkward and embarrassing moments in it? You may mishear each other, or have network issues, and that’s okay too! Silliness is a normal part of sex.

Check in/Aftercare

Ask your partner how they feel, and tell them what you thought. This will help both of you assess if there’s something you’d like to do better.

Just like any good sex, feedback goes a long way.