You’re probably thinking steamy, wet, soapy, erotic, warm, dripping, juicy and exciting sex, aren’t you?
You know what it was like for me and my partner?
It was steamy and juicy for sure, but it was also…
Wet hair getting in the way of me kissing her
Me slipping on the bathroom tiles a few times and feeling a pinch in my hip
Her giggling as I rubbed water out of my eye
God, so much giggling
Water dripping down my nose as I attempted to go down on her
Our bodies relaxing in the warm water and making it easier to try anal
Her head hitting the tap, twice
Her orgasming thrice anyway
Someone’s butt always feeling cold because most showers cannot spray water wide enough to actually cover two whole bodies
Like most sex, shower sex isn’t completely easy or erotic or bad.
It comes with its own perks and drawbacks and you have to be open to certain forms of injuries or embarrassing moments or disruptions to orgasms.
As a couple, it was so much fun. We knew we could afford to be louder and messier in the shower because no one would hear us from there. Unlike the bedroom, we would not be audible to any others in the house and we would not have to fuss about cleaning any sheets right after. But the shower is also the place where I first learnt the beauty of fingering and taking my time. It taught me about my fetish for wet and messy sex and showed me just how much I craved the sounds of my lover climaxing for me.
While the shower head and other bathroom features that protrude out of the wall are an obvious factor to be mindful about, another thing to consider is lube, soap and protection.
Being in the shower does not reduce or minimise the chances of infection. If anything, the possibility of soap could result in a change in pH levels for your vagina and that could make you temporarily vulnerable to irritation and infection. Latex barriers are still recommended and it’s probably ideal to move around the shower or change positions carefully to reduce the chances of anyone slipping or crashing into a tap or geyser.
Over the years, my partner and I have introduced toys and rougher sex to the shower as we better understand each other’s bodies. Having sex in the shower has opened us up to shame-free period sex or extended periods of anal sex where we can also ground ourselves after those acts by bathing together or lovingly washing each other up. We have played with hot and cold water to explore temperature play and even used flavoured lubes to keep the sensory experiences going. Not all shower sessions are ones where I can go lube-free, especially when penetrative play is involved.
And water, is really not a lubricant by itself. Not for everyone, and not for all acts.
As someone who finds showers to be the safest space where I have previously escaped to from abusive partners or family members or needy and clingy pets, inviting my partner into the shower to be naked, free, vulnerable, primal, loud and messy with me is a huge step up in our show of intimacy and trust towards each other. We have smoked together in that shower, had secret drinks and sneaky kisses when the house was full of guests, and have even sat on the floor to take a break from the pets there.
On days when it gets too hard to talk about our lives or our obstacles, when the bed feels like a place we just want to sleep in, the shower is where we go to rediscover each other and regain a moment of silence and privacy with each other again.
And just for that, I am okay with the tedious amounts of water that go up my nose and make my partner giggle at me. It’s worth every last bit of connection we build in there.
But partnered sex is not the only reason why I love having sex in the shower.
As a desi teenager who first discovered masturbation by using the economical, private and iconic jet spray (or bidet), bathrooms are my favourite space to feel sexual. It was the best spot to run into with a hand mirror so I could look at myself to understand my vulva and see what parts of me actually feel exciting to touch.
The water in the shower meant I didn’t have to stress about lube or spit when I was younger either. And if the skies were warm enough that day? It also meant that the pipes would send lovely warm water for me to play with and enjoy proper blood flow without stressing about cool water leaving my parts numb.
As an adult, showers are also my favourite place to try out vibrators and anal toys. The sounds of the shower drown out the sound of vibrating toys and my own moans, and I even discovered how to make myself squirt in the shower. Finding these new sides of me that don’t always show up in the bedroom, especially out of fear of making a mess or losing your privacy by making too many sounds, has been a gamechanger.
I cannot say this enough— shower sex is as likely to be clumsy, silly and sensual as many other forms of sex. It requires just as much thought around lubes, latex barriers, positions, hygiene, communication, etc. I love the feeling of water between my partner’s skin and mine and I love the wild period sex we have there.
It may not be seamlessly sexy the first time you do it, and it may take some creativity and communication to get there… but what form of sex is ever perfect the very first time?