Ethical porn has been a game changer for me. Especially websites like Xconfessions.com which comes at a price of INR650 a month and as low as INR 250 a month if you take an annual subscription.
If I had to choose between Netflix and Xconfessions, I know what I’m picking.
I don’t live with my partner. With us just starting off in our careers, it’s difficult to make time and meet in a city like Bangalore. But Erika Lust’s new series ‘Masturdate’ has inspired us and made the distance and mayhem of our lives feel a lot less overwhelming in our relationship.
What is a Masturdate?
It’s a date with the intention of mutual masturbation.
We either masturbate in front of each other, or watch each other and help each other masturbate by talking dirty or putting on a show for each other, but do not engage in oral or penetrative sex.
The point of this is to understand each other better. No one knows your body like you do. When you masturbate in front of your partner they get to see how you like to be touched, you can give them verbal cues, direct them with eye contact and more. This increases the intimacy dramatically.
You can also up the ante by giving instructions!
This can be done in person or through video call. For us, it has been a lifesaver to do it on video call.
What does Erika Lust have to do with this?
Erika Lust has a series called Masturdate on her ethical porn site Xconfessions.com
It brings together real life couples who then have Masturdates on camera!
Why do I love this series?
Most of the episodes are 20 minutes long. The first 10 minutes of the video are the couple talking to the camera about how they met and answering questions written by Erika Lust about masturbation.
This helps bust a lot of masturbation myths, gives us an insight into how people masturbate and makes the content sweet, relatable and eases the viewer into the sexual aspect of the video.
There are 4 episodes out right now--
Jonte & Nicole : I love you & I love myself
Jake & Dillon: I love it when you join in
Kristen & Nikki : I love it when you guide me
Merce & Cristian: I love watching you
All of these videos have people with different genders, age groups and backgrounds. It’s a joy to watch and learn.
For reference of xconfessions.com payment details on your credit card, this is how it will appear on your bill.
Setting up a Masturdate
Start With Open Communication
Whether you're in the same room, in the next room, or kilometres apart, it's essential to talk about what you're comfortable with, set boundaries, and also discuss what turns you on. Explore each other’s hard No’s especially when it comes to verbal communication.
Create a Comfortable Environment
Your Masturdate should be in a place where both of you feel relaxed. This could be your bedroom, the living room, or even a secure and reliable virtual platform such as Skype or Zoom for those in a long-distance relationship or trying to spice things up by having a video call while in different rooms.
Choose clothing that makes you feel sexy and confident. This can enhance the mood whether you're physically together or seeing each other on a screen. Dress up like you would for a fancy date. It would really add to the mood and setting.
This could include kissing and touching for those in the same room or sexting and discussing your desires for those in a long-distance scenario. Foreplay, like any form of intimacy, should not be skipped.
Show and Tell
This is the core part of your Masturdate. It's all about masturbating in front of each other, learning about each other's bodies, and understanding what each other likes. Be open, be honest, and communicate.
Watching Erotica together
Be sure of each other’s likes and dislikes when watching erotica. A bad genre or triggers in porn are a mistake most people make when trying to watch erotica together. Discuss themes beforehand and maybe skim through the video to make sure there are no triggers.
It's important to respect your partner's feelings and comfort zones. If they're not comfortable with something, stop and move onto something else. In a virtual setting, always ensure that you have consent before sharing any explicit content. Do not record or take screenshots without permission. Not only is it illegal, it’s also a despicable thing to do to someone.
Lubricants & Sex Toys
Whether Sangya or not, toys & lubricants can enhance your pleasure, both in-person and on video call. Peak, a remote controlled toy by Sangya, is a prime example of incorporating toys into your Masturdate. Regardless of whether you use toys or not, remember that lube is a must for long sessions too.
Like any sexual activity, a Masturdate also requires aftercare. Spend time cuddling, discussing the experience, and expressing your feelings about it. For those in a long-distance relationship, this might mean spending some time talking on the phone or video call after the sexual portion of your date is over.
Remember, everyone is different, so what works for one couple might not work for another. It's all about finding what works for you and your partner and making sure that you're both comfortable and enjoying the experience. And as always, safety and consent are paramount, particularly in a virtual setting.